Collide
by the-Bookworm-Princess
Summary: John messes with an Ancient device and wakes up with more problems than he bargained for. Part of my "Sex, Lies, and Puddlejumpers" 'verse.
1. Welcome to Resistance

This is an "insert" story into my "Sex, Lies, and Puddlejumpers" 'verse. If you're not familiar with it, reading the first three chapters of Growing Pains should tell you all you need to know. This story takes place during February 2007, between the third and fourth chapters of Growing Pains. Aiden is ten months old. Rodney and Mary just got married. Summer just had baby Aaron. Laura and Carson are expecting their baby. Elizabeth and Radek haven't seen the light. And Ronon and Teyla haven't even thought about resolving their UST.

Special thanks and many hugs and kisses to the greatest beta in the entire multiverse, Commodore Norrington. Darling, you are the Joe to my Martin. :-D

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_ "Welcome to the fallout. Welcome to resistance. The tension is here. The tension is here, between who you are and who you could be, between how it is and how it should be. I dare you to move. I dare you to move. I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor. I dare you to move. I dare you to move like today never happened, today never happened.  
"Maybe redemption has stories to tell. Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell. Where can you run to escape from yourself? Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go? Salvation is here. I dare you to move. I dare you to move. I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor. I dare you to move. I dare you to move. Like today never happened, today never happened, today never happened, today never happened before." - Switchfoot, "Dare You To Move"

* * *

_

"Maybe it's not supposed to 'turn on', Rodney," John sighed as he fiddled with the small block in his hands. "Maybe it's just an Ancient game or something. Like a Rubik's Cube." The metal whatever-it-was _did_ bear a striking resemblance to the Earth toy of skill and frustration.

"It wouldn't have had an Ancient warning with it if it was just a toy. Now, would you just stop talking and make it work?" Rodney scowled. A whole handful of Ancient artifacts had been brought back earlier by Major Lorne's team and McKay had only discovered the purpose of one so far.

"You know, a 'please' every now and then wouldn't kill you," John commented tiredly; Rodney had been being short with him for over twenty minutes.

"Fine. Shut up and make the damn thing work, _please_."

John rolled his eyes and twisted one of the slides on the metal cube, mixing up Ancient symbols rather than colors. _'On, on, on,'_ he thought toward the object, then added a hopeful, _'Please?'_ The cube did nothing. "So…what kind of warning was it?" he asked, continuing to change the positions of the sides of the cube.

"Something about 'caution'," Rodney answered, watching his laptop to see if the scanner was picking up any readable energy from the device. "And 'pain.'"

"Pain?" John repeated, stilling his hands and looking up. "It's gonna hurt me? This could be some Ancient torture device for all you know! What if it electrocutes me or something when I arrange the sides just right?"

"It mentioned pain, not death," Rodney assured him in a non-sympathetic manner. "Keep trying."

_'Please don't hurt me,'_ John asked the device nicely before twisting a side again and prompting, _'On.'_

"Whoa!" Rodney exclaimed as the energy readings shot up. He looked at the device and saw that all the visible symbols were now glowing a disconcerting shade of red. "What did you do?!"

"I turned it on like yo--" He suddenly collapsed, the lights on the device fading as his unconscious body hit the floor.

XXXXXX

When John woke up, his head hurt like hell. His eyes slowly focused on the dull ceiling. When he moved slightly and felt familiar, starchy-fresh sheets beneath him, he knew he had to be in the infirmary. Glancing to one side, he managed to wave a hand and groan loud enough to get the attention of a nearby nurse.

"Glad you're awake, sir," said the pretty, young blonde. "Is there anything you need at the moment or should I just get Dr. Beckett?"

"M'head hurts," he mumbled as he squinted at her.

"I'll bet. From what I heard, you cracked it pretty hard when you fell," she said, giving his shoulder a sympathetic pat. "I'll get you some painkillers and tell Dr. Beckett you're awake."

"Thanks," he said and then closed his eyes again for about a minute.

"A'right, Colonel, here's a little something for the pain."

John opened his eyes when he heard the impatient Scottish voice. "Thanks, doc," he said as Carson injected something into his IV.

"Just make this the last time for a long time," Carson replied curtly.

John gave the doctor a strange look. "It's not like I did this on purpose, Carson," he stressed.

"Yes, but if you were more careful, these things wouldna happen," the doctor asserted with annoyance as he checked Sheppard's vitals on the monitors.

"Look, it was an accident," John insisted. "No need to be snippy."

"Snippy?" Carson repeated, and John might have laughed at how strange the word sounded with a Scottish accent if the doctor hadn't been in such a sour mood. "Well, if I wasn't constantly being dragged away from other things to come and fix your cuts and bruises, maybe I wouldna _be_ so snippy!" John was taken aback by his friend's bitter attitude but before he had a chance to say anything, Carson called to the nurse, "Jordan, his life doesn't appear to be in danger, so if you would please look him over, I'll get back to Lieutenant McKenzie."

Beautiful, blonde Jordan nodded quickly and began checking on John, seeing if he was ready to be discharged.

"What's his problem?" John asked when Carson was out of earshot.

Jordan shook her head. "Who knows."

XXXXXX

After a couple of questions and a few moments with that evil penlight, Jordan cleared John to leave. She told him that while he'd only been unconscious for about fourteen hours, his timing had been lucky enough that he'd missed the sexual harassment lecture. John's headache had driven the scheduled meeting from his mind; when she reminded him, he was almost grateful he'd hit his head and decided that he wasn't going to yell at Rodney for what had happened. Besides, if he brought it up at all, Rodney would probably feel guilty and try to apologize, and John really wasn't good at awkward 'I'm sorry'-'I forgive you' moments.

He found Rodney in the mess hall eating lunch with Evie. He filled himself a tray and then sat down in the chair next to Evie after they invited him to join them.

"Glad you're back," Rodney said. "I'm sorry about th--"

John cut him off. "Don't worry about it; I'm fine. I feel great."

Evie looked him over for a moment and concluded from how tired he looked that he probably didn't feel as great as he said. "You sure? You don't look so good, sir," she observed.

Noting the dark circles under Evie's own eyes, John commented, "You don't look too good yourself, Lieutenant. You sick or something?"

Evie stared at him, her expression a mix of hurt and disbelief.

Rodney kicked John's ankle hard. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

John winced at the pain and his ankle and then asked in confusion, "What? I just--"

Evie's watch alarm interrupted them. Quickly turning it off, she said, "I gotta go. Elizabeth gave us just enough time for lunch before we have to meet back with her to debrief." She stood to her feet and picked up her tray. "I'll see you guys later."

Rodney stood up as well. "I should be going, too," he said as Evie walked away. "I was done anyway, and I've got work to do. Enjoy your lunch." With that, he picked up his tray and left.

XXXXXX

When Elizabeth had finished debriefing Major Johnson's team, John paid a visit to her office. After explaining to her that he was fine, he just had slight recurring headaches, he'd gotten permission to resume active duty. She said that he could take the rest of the day off and that there would be a senior staff meeting the next morning after breakfast.

As he always did when he had time off, John intended to spend it with Evie. On his way out of Weir's office, he passed a moderately pregnant Laura Beckett, who was on her way in. "How's the head, sir?" she asked, stopping for a moment.

"Still hurts a little," he answered. "But I'll be fine." Laura nodded. "Do you know what it is yet?" he asked, pointing to what had become affectionately known as 'Baby Beckett.'

"Yes, sir," Laura answered with a wide smile. "It's a girl; she _finally _uncrossed her legs. We're gonna name her Rachel."

John grinned. "That's great. Aiden'll be so excited."

Laura laughed. "I suppose so, sir. If you'll excuse me, though, I've got to talk to Dr. Weir." He nodded and they both continued on in their separate directions.

When John entered Evie's quarters, he saw her lying on her stomach on her bed, asleep. She seemed to be naked, with the sheet pulled up over the lower half of her body. John thought it was odd; she didn't prefer sleeping in the nude.

He sat down beside her and began gently rubbing her back, loving the sensation of her soft skin under his fingers. He frowned when he realized that he could feel her ribs without applying any pressure and he wondered when and why she'd lost so much weight. They hadn't been _together_ for over a week, but he thought he still would have noticed.

When she began to stir, he smiled and murmured, "Nice of you to join me, sleepy-head."

At the sound of his voice, Evie's eyes flew open. She slowly turned to look over her shoulder and gasped when she saw John sitting next to her. "Sir! What are you doing here?!" she exclaimed, yanking the covers up to her neck.

"What do you mean what am I doing here?" John asked in confusion. "I came to see you."

"You could have knocked, sir," she maintained, scooting over to the far side of the bed in an effort to put some space between them.

"Knocked? Evie, what are you talking about? I had some time to kill and I thought I'd spend it with you," John explained.

"Doing what, sir?"

"Having sex?"

The room suddenly felt very hot to Evie and she could feel a blush creeping into her cheeks. "Sir, I think you should leave," she said with forced politeness.

"Evie, what the hell are you--"

John was cut off by a male voice. "Who are you talking to, Evie?"

When John looked up and saw Rodney standing in the threshold of the bathroom, he stood up so fast he nearly fell off the bed. Rodney's hair was wet and he was naked as well, save for a towel wrapped around his waist.

John was so confused and upset that he stammered several times before managing, "What… What the _hell_ is going on?" Rodney opened his mouth to answer, but John demanded, "What are you doing here?"

"I live here," Rodney replied calmly, picking his boxers up off floor and putting them on (skillfully managing not to flash John in the process).

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't!"

Evie, who had been looking quickly from one man to the other like a ping-pong match, interjected, "Yes, he does."

Before John could protest, Rodney said, "See? Now that just leaves us with 'What are _you_ doing here?' and 'Why are you harassing my wife?'"

John's eyebrows couldn't have shot up any higher if they'd had wings. "_Your_-- What kind of Gate crack are you on?! She's _my_ wife!"

Rodney sighed, his patience wearing thin. "I don't know who put you up to this, John, but it's not very funny."

"You're damn right it's not funny and since when did you start calling me John?"

"I've always called you John," Rodney replied with barely masked exasperation.

"No, you haven't," John insisted.

"Yes, I-- Okay, this is stupid," Rodney said, crossing his arms. "Would you please leave?"

"Not without Evie," John declared, and when he looked over at her, she pulled the sheet up higher still.

"I'm sorry, but she's not yours to take," Rodney said with a frown.

"Like hell she isn't," he growled, then turned to Evie. "Where are your tags?"

She looked at him, unsure. "Sir?"

"Dogtags! Now!" he ordered.

Evie nodded quickly and did her best to keep herself covered as she removed her dogtags from around her neck. When she held the chain out to John, he snatched it from her.

"I don't know if this is some sick fantasy you two are trying to get out of your heads or…what…" He trailed off when he found the diamond ring between the metal ID tags.

It wasn't the ring he had given her. And next to it was a wedding band.

John looked at it in shock for a minute, then hurled the tags back at Evie, making her jump.

"Hey!" Rodney cried, John's action pushing him from annoyed to angry.

"Where's the ring _I_ gave you?" John demanded.

Evie looked up at him, wide-eyed. "Sir, what are yo--"

"Where is it?!" he shouted.

"Alright!" Rodney said, stepping forward to intervene. "Either you leave _now_ or I'm calling security," he warned.

John tried to calm down, but he was far too upset for it to do much good now. "Evie, come on. You remember Venalia!" he insisted, distraught. "Hell, you were both there!" he gestured to Rodney. "He had to come get us. We did it for, like, six hours!"

At this, Evie blushed again and Rodney reached for his comm, which lay on the table. "Security to Dr. McKay's quarters," he requested as he took John's arm and tried to pull the irrational man away from Evie.

"No!" John cried, yanking free. "You-- You have a scar above your breast!" he claimed, in an attempt to prove that he knew what he was talking about. He reached quickly for the sheet around her body but Rodney grabbed his arm and, using a move that John himself had taught him, twisted the pilot's arm painfully behind his back.

"Oww!" John cried as Rodney then forced him to his knees.

"What the hell has gotten into you?!" Rodney demanded, inflicting a little more pain than was probably necessary.

"God! I'm not wrong, _you're_ wrong! _This_ is wrong! You got the scar because you started cutting yourself the night you found out your brother died!" A tear threatened to slip down John's cheek -- and it wasn't from the pain in his arm.

"David's dead?" Rodney asked, glancing up at Evie, who shook her head in confusion.

John barely twitched and Rodney forced his arm up higher. John winced. "But your scar--"

"She would never cut herself," Rodney promised as he heard the door open and two guards rush in.

"Show me," John demanded, quiet at first, then he shouted, "Show me!" as he began struggling against Rodney.

Without hesitation, one of the guards shot him with a stunner. For the second time in less than twenty-four hours, John fell to the floor unconscious.


	2. Who You Are and Who You Could Be

"Did we really have to throw him in the brig?" Elizabeth asked, absently twirling a few strands of her wavy hair.

"Well, we don't exactly have spare quarters that are designated as holding areas," Rodney answered. He had alerted Elizabeth that they had a situation as John was being dragged away by the two guards, but he hadn't trekked to her office to give her the details until he'd made sure that Evie was alright.

"We should allocate some, then," Elizabeth decided.

"Why, are we planning on more psychotic episodes from our personnel?" Rodney asked with a hint of sarcasm.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "No, Rodney, I just don't like the idea of holding our own people in the same cells that we usually reserve for the Wraith."

"I'm sure John will manage," he assured her dismissively.

"Dr. Weir, Colonel Sheppard's awake," came a voice over the comms.

"Thank you, Sgt. Butler," Elizabeth said, standing up.

When she and Rodney reached the brig two minutes later, they were met with the sight of a very irate John. As soon as he saw Weir, he jumped up and moved to the front of the cell. "Elizabeth! Tell them to get these damn things off me," he begged, holding up his handcuffed wrists.

"If you can assure us that you won't have any more violent outbursts, John," Elizabeth said, nodding to Sgt. Butler, who pressed a sequence of buttons on the control panel. The shield dissolved and the cell door slid to the side. Butler reached into his pocket and retrieved a small key, which he then used to unlock John's handcuffs.

John rubbed his left wrist and glared at Rodney. "You done now?" he growled.

"Done with what?" Rodney asked.

"Your twisted little joke," John spat. "I don't know what I did to piss you off…"

"Colonel, for the last time, Evie is not your wife!" Rodney sighed.

John's eyes widened as if Rodney had just told John that he was pregnant. He couldn't believe his friend had just said that in front of Elizabeth! "McKay, what are you trying to do, get me court-martialed?!" he cried.

"What?" Rodney was confused again.

John nodded his head ever-so-slightly in the direction of the city's leader. When Rodney asked "What?" again, John sighed heavily.

"_She_ was never supposed to know about me and Evie because _she_ is now duty-bound to report me for breaking regs," he answered crossly.

"But since there _is_ no 'you and Evie', she doesn't have to report anything except your little lapse in memory," Rodney answered. "Seriously, John, did the ball hit your head _that_ hard?"

John blinked. "What ball?"

"The basketball. The basketball that I slam-dunked onto your head last night."

"We didn't play basketball last night," John said, then added, "Hell, we don't even _have_ a basketball!"

Elizabeth and Rodney looked at each other for a minute, then back at John. "You don't remember playing last night?"

John shook his head slowly. "No, Rodney. Last night, we were cataloging all the Ancient crap that Lorne's team brought back."

"No. You, Lorne, Adams, and I played two-on-two," Rodney assured him.

"No, we didn't!" John said, starting to get worked up again. "We were working in your lab. You made me turn on some damn device, it started glowing, and then I blacked out."

Rodney and Elizabeth shared a look again. "John," Weir said worriedly as she turned her attention back to him, "I think you should report back to the infirmary. There's obviously been some kind of damage from when you hit your head."

"I thought you said he smacked me in the head with a ball?"

"I did," Rodney replied. "You said your head was throbbing, you sat down; a few seconds later, you collapsed and smacked your head on the floor."

When John just stood there trying to process things, Elizabeth spoke up. "John? Please go see Carson."

He nodded slowly. "Fine. But _I'm_ not the one who needs my head examined."

XXXXXX

"Well, I've run several tests," Carson announced to Elizabeth, Rodney, and John two hours later. "You're not a goa'uld, it's highly improbable that you're possessed by any alien entities, you don't have any brain damage from your concussion, you're not under the influence of any drugs, and unless you're a very sophisticated clone, you're our Jonathan Sheppard."

John looked up at him. "Jonathan?"

"Yes, Colonel," Carson sighed. "That's what I called ya."

"My name is just John," he stated. "It's never been short for anything because my mother didn't like the full name 'Jonathan.'"

"But it says so on your file," Carson insisted, handing the folder to his patient.

John looked at the top and noticed that it did indeed say Jonathan. _Jonathan Alan Sheppard _to be precise. "Doc, what is this?" he asked. "I've been John Eric all my life."

"Not last time I checked, son," Carson said. "And I checked last week when I stitched up the cut on the back of your shoulder."

John reached around and slipped his hand underneath the collar of his shirt. When his fingers touched an unfamiliar scar, he quickly withdrew them as if they'd been burned. He looked to Carson for an answer. "How the hell'd I get that?"

"Colonel, do you honestly not remember?" the doctor asked, seeming to be a bit nicer than he had been earlier that morning. "There really shouldn't be any brain damage…"

"I honestly don't remember getting stitches," John answered nervously. Maybe there _was_ something wrong with him…

"You got attacked by a tree when we were off-world," Rodney informed him.

John's mouth felt dry. Could he really have sustained some memory loss? "I don't…" He licked his lips. "I don't remember a tree. Wait, the only place we went last week was P4M-830; there aren't any trees there at all!"

"Now, I'm no expert on Ancient technology," Carson began, "but is it possible that the device you mentioned somehow…rearranged your brain?"

Rodney sighed impatiently. "It's perfectly possible, only we weren't messing with any Ancient devices last night."

"Yeah, 'cause in Rodney's world, we all play basketball in our spare time," John scoffed, banging his head back against the pillow as he emphasized the word 'basketball'.

"We don't play _all_ the time. We--" Suddenly, Rodney's eyes widened and his head snapped to look at John. "What did you say?"

"I said that according to you we all--"

"No, you didn't," Rodney interrupted. "You said, 'in Rodney's world.'"

"Well, I'm sorry if I can't quote myself word for word, McKay," John replied with annoyance.

"Nono!" Rodney exclaimed. "It makes sense!"

"What makes sense?" Elizabeth asked.

"Why John's remembering things differently! Maybe we didn't play last night in _John's world_." Rodney's eyes were shining with excitement.

"What are you on about?" Carson asked, completely lost.

"He said the last thing he remembered was messing around with some Ancient device before he blacked out and woke up here, making wild claims and having different memories!" When his audience looked at him as if waiting for the punch-line, he sighed. "Maybe the device somehow transported him here from an alternate reality."

He could see the proverbial light bulbs come on for the other three. "So…he's not our John?" Elizabeth asked curiously.

"It would certainly explain why he has different memories of the accident and why he thought he was married to Evie," Rodney stated, nodding. "Speaking of which, is she not in the Air Force in your reality or has there been a drastic rewrite in military regulations?"

John winced. "It's a long story."

"Pardon me for bursting the bubble of your theory, Rodney," Carson spoke up. "But if he's not our colonel, why does he have a scar from stitches he claims he never received?"

"I, uhh…" Rodney thought hard for a minute. "Maybe the device only transferred his consciousness? I don't know; I'd have to examine the contraption."

"That's why you were so calm earlier," John commented wryly to Rodney, masking his relief at finding out he wasn't insane. "And why you were such a…" John stopped himself as he looked at the doctor. "…grouch. I take it your Sheppard is a bit disaster-prone?"

"You want to read your-- his file?" Carson asked, holding out the thick folder.

"No, thanks, doc," John said, waving it away. Suddenly he had a thought. "Where are Teyla and Ronon?"

Now it was Carson's turn to chuckle. "Teyla is definitely a special young woman. I can't wait to see wh--"

"Wait a minute," Rodney cut off Carson's ramble before it could fully begin. "Who's Ronon?"

"Ronon Dex," John offered. "Great big guy. Dreadlocks. You can't miss him."

"Colonel, there's no one here by that name," Elizabeth said.

"He's from Sateda," he pressed. "He's a member of my team."

"Who else is on your team?" Rodney wanted to know, a strange note in his voice.

John wondered if he wasn't really asking who _wasn't_ on his team. "You, me, Teyla, and Ronon," answered John. "Why? Who's on my team here?"

"You, me, Teyla, and--"

"Me," came a cheerful male voice from behind Carson.

John sat up to see who was speaking and couldn't stop his jaw from dropping. Smiling widely behind the doctor was Aiden Ford.

"Ford?" John breathed.

"Yes, sir," the young man replied, then turned to Elizabeth. "Sorry it took me so long to get here, ma'am; I was unloading supplies from the _Daedalus_." When Ford noticed that John was gaping at him like an asphyxiating goldfish, he asked, "Did Colonel Sheppard hit his head again?"

"I--" John stammered. "You're supposed to be dead," he said quietly, never taking his eyes off the child-like Marine. Damn, it was good to see him alive and well; Sheppard did his best to swallow his ill-timed rise of emotion.

"Sir?" Ford asked, raising an eyebrow.

"In my…" It sounded weird to say. "In my reality, you're missing, presumed dead."

"_Your_ reality?" He turned to Rodney. "What's he talking about, McKay?"

"Sit down, Captain," Rodney said, gesturing to a chair. "This might take a while…"


	3. How It Is and How It Should Be

"I have no idea," John answered.

"Are you sure?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes, Elizabeth. I don't know the address of the damn planet!"

She frowned. "No need to shout, John. Jeez."

John sighed. "I'm sorry." He rubbed a hand over his face. "This is just really frustrating."

"Yeah, I know." She nodded. "But you said that they found the device in an abandoned Ancient outpost there. If that's the case, I'm sure the address will be in the Ancient database," she pointed out optimistically. "Maybe you can look through it and find a match?"

"Can I do it after lunch?" he asked.

Elizabeth smiled. "Of course, John."

XXXXXX

"Mind if I join you, sir?" Ford asked, standing next to Sheppard with a full tray in his hands.

"Absolutely." John gestured to the empty chairs around him. "Pick a seat, Lieutenant."

"Actually, I'm a captain, sir," Ford corrected, opting for the seat in front of his sort-of CO.

"Really now?" John asked, dipping a French fry into his puddle of ketchup. "When did that happen?"

"Last week." Ford grinned. "I sent pictures to my grandparents."

"I'm sure they'll be proud," John said with a smile.

"Yes, sir," Ford said, then took a big bite of his less-than-delicious burger. When he had swallowed, he asked, "So, what's this about me being dead where you're from? If you don't mind me asking, sir?" he added quickly.

John didn't really feel like reiterating the memories, but Ford looked expectant, so he decided to go for it. "About a year ago, we were besieged by the Wraith. We probably wouldn't have made it if Earth hadn't sent reinforcements, the _Daedalus_, and a ZPM."

"That happened here, too," Ford jumped in. "Did you cloak the city to make it look like we'd activated the self-destruct?" John nodded. "So…I died fighting the Wraith?"

"Not exactly." John paused to take a drink of water. "You were…partially fed-on. But you and the Wraith somehow ended up in the water and it shot you full of its enzyme. It kept you alive, but it kind of…messed with your head. You stole a jumper and left the city."

Ford looked surprised. "Carson didn't fix me?"

Now John was confused as well. "What?"

"_Here_, Carson was able to harvest some of the enzyme from the Wraith that we took as prisoners," Ford explained. "He weaned me off it in about a week. Saved my life." He grinned and added, "He even fixed my eye." John looked at where the young man was pointing and he saw a scar near Ford's eye that he hadn't noticed before. The Marine stole one of pilot's remaining fries and asked, "So, you never found me?"

John looked down. Those were memories he was even _more_ against revisiting. "We looked for a long time," he said at last, then skipped over the incident with the hive ship and went straight to, "We have no idea what happened to you."

Ford frowned. "Well, that's depressing." Suddenly, an idea struck him. "Hey, you wanna go shoot some hoops? Take your mind off things?"

"I'd love to, Lieu-- _Captain_," John said, reaching for what was left of his burger. "But after this, I've got a date with the Ancient database."

"Oh." Ford nodded. "Well, you have fun with that, sir."

John rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah. Can't wait."

XXXXXX

After five and a half hours of reading descriptions of planets, John had come up with several colorful descriptions for his afternoon and "fun" was _not_ one of them. He'd gotten a good bit of the way through the database and hoped fervently that he'd find the world he was searching for by tomorrow. His butt had gone numb about an hour ago, but he didn't realize just how long he'd been sitting there until Rodney dropped by to ask why he hadn't been at dinner.

John groaned as he rubbed his eyes tiredly. "You pick me up anything?" he asked, standing up and stretching his sore muscles.

"Sandwich," Rodney said, tossing John a plastic-wrapped ham and cheese.

John looked at the sandwich less than enthusiastically, then decided he was hungry and unwrapped it. "So," he said around a mouthful of bread, "what do you guys do for fun after hours besides play basketball?"

"Nothing exciting tonight, though you're welcome to go with me to the rec room," Rodney offered. "Maybe we can convince Evie to take her nose out of her book and play cards with us."

John nodded. "Founf goo."

Stepping out of a transporter a few minutes later, they were greeted by a smiling Teyla.

"Hey, Teyla. How goes it on the mainland?" Rodney asked.

"Very well. Kalea delivered a healthy boy," she announced with a smile. "They named him Harin."

"That's great."

"Hi, Teyla," John said, wondering how she compared to the beautiful Athosian of his reality.

"Hello, yourself," she said with a smile, then grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him against her, pressing her lips to his.

John was caught completely off-guard. Rodney, who was chuckling, had failed to mention earlier whether or not their Sheppard was in any kind of relationship. John didn't kiss Teyla back, but he didn't stop her, either.

When she let him go a minute later and saw his surprised expression, she asked, "Something wrong?"

"I, uhh…" He looked to Rodney, who just crossed his arms and looked expectant, all the while trying to repress a grin. "Teyla, this is going to sound crazy… I'm not -- I'm from an alternate reality. I'm not the John Sheppard you know."

Teyla arched an eyebrow, turning her head toward Rodney.

"It's complicated, but true," Rodney said, nodding.

"Then what happened to our John?" Teyla inquired.

Rodney shrugged his shoulders. "As far as we can tell, whatever this John did only transferred his consciousness, and not his physical body, into this universe. Maybe he's taken over our John, or maybe our John is in his reality," he explained, and refrained from adding the possibility that their John might be dead.

Teyla appeared to be digesting this for a moment, then looked to John. "In that case, I apologize for the manner of my greeting."

"Don't worry about it," John said, waving a hand. He decided that this Teyla seemed a little more…'loose' wasn't the right word… Just more relaxed, he supposed. She also had a completely different dress code. She was dressed in a colorful top that was obviously an Athosian garment, though this one covered her midriff. And in sharp contrast, though it totally worked, she wore a pair of loose-fitting, khaki cargo pants that gave her a less feminine look than the tight pants John was used to seeing his Teyla wear.

"What?" she asked when she caught him staring.

"Nothing, sorry," he said, returning his gaze to her eyes. "It's just… My Teyla dresses a little more…slutty." Not that he was implying anything about her character; it was just the first adjective that came to mind.

"Slutty?" Teyla repeated. "What is slutty?"

John chuckled. "Never mind."

"I suppose I won't be seeing you tonight, then?" she asked.

"Tonight?" When she gave him a coy smile, realization hit him. "Oh! No. Uhh, Rodney said he'd get one of the spare quarters fixed up."

"Then I will bid you both goodnight, as I'm exhausted," she said with a weary smile.

John decided not to point out the miracle that she'd just used a contraction and instead returned, "Goodnight."

XXXXXX

When Rodney and John entered the rec room, they found Evie on the oversized blue couch, engrossed in a thick book just as Rodney had predicted. "Having fun?" Rodney asked, poking her shoulder. Evie nodded, not looking up. "Why do you bother coming here?" he asked, sitting down next to her as John pulled one of the chairs over.

"I like being around the people," Evie answered, turning the page.

"But you're ignoring them all."

"I still know they're there," she stated, using her own form of logic. When Rodney gently placed his arm around her shoulders, she grunted. "Lemme finish this paragraph." Rodney sighed and waited patiently. A moment later, Evie stuck a bookmark between the pages and leaned over to kiss him.

The second their lips met, John stiffened. He even felt slightly nauseous. It was quite possibly the weirdest combination of emotions he'd ever experienced: he knew he didn't have the right to break them apart, but at the same time it felt so _wrong_. When the kiss became obviously more involved, causing Evie to make the softest of sounds, John couldn't stop himself. "Can you _stop_?" he snapped.

Rodney and Evie looked at John, startled. "What?" Rodney asked.

"Could you two _not_ do that in front of me?" he begged.

"Hey, we have a license for PDA," Evie said, holding up Rodney's left hand and pointing to the wedding band on his finger.

John tried not to think about all the things that ring meant. Instead, he questioned, "Why don't you wear yours?"

"Slips off my finger, sir," she answered. "I've been meaning to get it resized." After a moment, she asked, "So…we're together in your reality?"

He nodded. "It's really complicated, but yes." When she decided not to ask anything further about the subject, John spoke up again. "I don't know how many brain cells you two devote to remembering the planets you've been to… but do you by any chance recall visiting M6X-412?" John had mixed feelings about that planet, but since it had led to his and Evie's first kiss and the start of their forbidden relationship, he usually counted it a positive.

Rodney looked like he was concentrating for a minute. "Did the natives have a name for it that didn't involve numbers?" he asked.

"Emaria."

Rodney nodded. "Yeah, that was, what, a year ago? We were over-cautious and had, uhh… Lorne's team join us."

John's face fell. That explained a lot. Then again, maybe the Sheppard of this universe had never been interested in this Evie at all.

"Why?" Rodney asked.

"Nevermind," John said, then changed the subject. "So, in my reality, you just got yourself married to Dr. Heightmeyer. Did you two…ever have a thing here?"

"Me and Kate?" Rodney asked, surprised.

"No, Mary."

"Mary who?"

"Mary Heightmeyer. Kate's sister."

"Kate doesn't have a sister," Rodney stated.

"What?"

"Kate Heightmeyer is an only child, and she wouldn't have dated me if I was the last man in the universe," Rodney said pitifully.

"Wait… You're telling me that Mary Heightmeyer doesn't _exist_ in this reality?" John asked, confused. Flying was his thing, not theoretical astrophysics.

"Well, having children is a _choice_, John, not an unchangeable," Rodney explained. "She may exist in your reality but apparently in this one, the Heightmeyers decided that one child was enough."

"Maybe it's better that way," Evie pointed out. "Or where would we be?" Rodney was about to kiss her again, when her face screwed up in pain and she clutched a hand to her side.

Rodney offered his hand for her to squeeze and asked, "Do you have your injector with you?"

Evie sucked in air through her teeth and nodded, pulling what looked like an epi-pen out of her pocket. The sophisticatedly-small jet injector was needleless, however, and did not contain adrenaline. She lifted the hem of her shirt and placed the end of the injector against the skin above her waist. She pressed the button and the device shot a drug into her.

"Are you okay?" John asked, concerned. "What's that for?" He eyed for a moment the red mark it had left on her skin.

Evie let out a short, hollow chuckle. "You guys never ran into the Navedites, did you, sir?"

John shook his head. "Don't think so."

"We'll let you memorize the Gate address so you can add Navedia to your banned planets list when you get back home," she said, sliding the jet injector back into her pocket.

"They attacked you?" he asked with a frown.

"Not technically," she answered, and John noticed that Rodney's expression had saddened considerably.

"What, then?" he pressed.

"They had a plague, sir," Evie said after a pause. "The planet was dry and desolate and everyone on it was dying. Major Johnson and I got infected before we knew what was happening."

"Just you two?"

She nodded. "And thank God that it was just us," she added. "Summer's got to raise baby Aaron, and that baby's got to have a father, too."

John felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. "You mean you're--" He couldn't say it. It may have been an alternate reality, but so far, she was almost exactly like his Evie.

She nodded again. "Carson gave Major Johnson and me two months based on what the Navedite doctors were able to tell us."

John's throat tightened. "God, Evie…" He wanted to get up and hug her, but couldn't bring himself to. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't want your pity," she said, shaking her head. "But any chocolate you may have hidden in your quarters would make me a very happy lady."

"I'll check later," he managed quietly.

Evie smiled and opened her book, not wanting to answer any more questions.

Though she had stopped paying attention to him, John couldn't take his eyes off her. That's why she'd lost weight. And that's why she looked so pale. He wanted to kick himself for the comment he'd made earlier. He hoped she wasn't in pain. When he remembered the painkiller she'd just shot herself with, he frowned. Of course she was in pain. After a minute of pondering questions he wouldn't dare ask her, he stood up. "I think I'm gonna walk around for a while. See you two in the morning?"

Evie nodded without glancing up from the pages of The Count of Monte Cristo, and Rodney mumbled an "Okay."

After a few minutes, John entered the infirmary. When he caught Carson's eye, the doctor sighed. After placing a file in his office, he returned to where John was standing. "I swear, Colonel, if you need attention _again_…"

"No, doc," John said, shaking his head.

"What, then?" Carson asked impatiently.

"I wanted to know…" He swallowed hard. "What's Evie got, Carson?"

The Scotsman sighed heavily. "Rodney mentioned that you were with her in your reality." John nodded. "It's a terrible tragedy," Carson began, using a gentle tone. "Both Evie and Joshua are wonderful people."

"Carson…" John really didn't want to be moved to tears right now; he just wanted answers.

"A'right, sorry. With the limited information we were able to obtain from the Navedite doctors, we've determined that the disease is only infectious during its incubation period, which is one week. Thankfully, we were able to keep them in quarantine and nobody else contracted the disease. As far as we can tell, it's not like any of the fatal diseases on earth. It has similar traits to some, in that it shuts down the organs of the body, but it does so incredibly slowly and the pain is more intense than it should be. Both of them complain of throbbing and stabbing pains in parts of the body that haven't begun deteriorating yet."

"Can't you do anything for them?" John asked sadly.

"I've given them the strongest painkiller I can that will allow them to remain on active duty," Carson answered.

"That stuff Evie shot into her side?"

"Aye. It's actually an ingenious blend of morphine and the drug that the Navedites use. In a sufficient dose, the _meyanel_ is able to dilute the morphine enough to keep the patient lucid and alert."

John nodded, then paused for a long moment. "When will… Evie said that you'd given them two months."

Carson frowned sadly. "That was a month ago," he said quietly. "Judging by what happened with the Navedites, they'll have about three more weeks before they become too weak to walk."

John kept his eyes on the floor so that Carson couldn't see the tears pooling there.

"I'm terribly sorry," he said softly, his brogue slightly soothing. "Is there anything else you needed?"

Blinking the tears away bitterly, John managed, "No. That's enough, thanks."


	4. Maybe Redemption Has Stories to Tell

"No…nope…uh-uh…" John droned, scrolling through the Ancient database. "No… Wait! McKay, this one looks like it might be it." John pointed at the computer screen, trying not to get too excited at the possibility of going home. It was still a long shot, he knew.

Rodney walked over to where John was sitting and began reading over his shoulder. "Ancient research outpost… Experiment testing site…" He didn't even try to pronounce the names of the Ancient devices that were listed as being tweaked and perfected by the scientists there. "Looks promising," he said. "As soon as I finish this diagnostic, we can go talk to Elizabeth and see how soon we can check it out." He looked up when he heard the door to his lab opening.

He saw his wife standing there, looking ready to cry. "Evie, what's wrong?" he asked worriedly, taking off his reading glasses and setting them on the desk.

She bit her lip. "Dr. Weir kicked me off of active duty," she finally answered, her voice breaking.

"What happened?" He crossed the lab and gently took her hands.

She looked down as a tear slipped down her cheek. "You know how I passed out in the shower a few days ago and I told you I'd just gotten too hot?" Rodney nodded. "Well, I passed out off-world today and Elizabeth said that I should be taken off active duty permanently." More tears were falling now.

"Honey, I'm so sorry," Rodney said, pulling her into a hug.

"So what am I supposed to do now, just sit around and wait to die?" she sobbed, holding onto him tightly. "When I was keeping busy off-world, at least I could…pretend I was okay!"

John looked down at his shoes. He didn't like watching her be comforted by someone else, especially _Rodney_. He finally stood up and silently slipped out of the lab, leaving them alone. He'd talk to Rodney and Elizabeth later.

* * *

Rodney gently patted Evie's back, trying to calm the sobs that were shaking her frail body. "I'll talk to Elizabeth and ask to take some time off. We'll go home. We can go see your family; we can travel to Italy like you've always wanted. We'll do whatever you want, Evie."

"Wanna stay here," she choked out, her face buried in his shoulder. "I s-saw my family two weeks ago… and all we did was cry the…whole time." She inhaled shakily and forced herself to start calming down. "I wanna stay here where Carson can take care of me… And I wanna be with you."

Now a tear slid down Rodney's cheek. "I love you so much," he whispered, hugging her tighter.

Evie sniffled and clung to him. "I love you, too."

XXXXXX

Unable to sleep, with too many "what if?"s battling in his mind, John decided that maybe he could fall asleep in front of some mind-numbing TV. He realized, when he heard several loud coughs echo out the rec room door, that he wouldn't be alone. When he reached the entrance, he saw Evie sitting on the couch, hair slightly tousled, in her pajamas. She was coughing into a tissue and when she wadded it up and stuffed it in the pocket of her robe, John saw that there was blood on it. She took a sip from her water bottle and then returned her attention to _Serenity_, which she was watching on the big-screen TV that the SGC had been kind enough to send.

"Of all the differences between our universes, I'm most amused that you have those same boxers," he said, referring to her red shorts with black moose.

Evie, who had jumped at the sound of his voice, smiled and motioned for him to join her.

"So, what are you doing up at this time of night, Lieutenant?" John asked.

"Couldn't sleep, sir," Evie lied. It sure sounded a hell of a lot better than "I was coughing up blood and didn't want to wake my husband."

"Me neither," he said, sitting down to face her and wrapping his arms around his knees. He hadn't waited five seconds before he asked, "So… I've _gotta_ know…"

"How'd I hook up with Rodney?" she finished with a smile. He nodded. "I'd have to say it was probably one of the weirdest 'I like you, you like me' moments I've ever had. The whole thing was a complete accident." She laughed lightly and went on…

_Evie poked her head into Rodney's lab late one night. Seeing the astrophysicist there, she joined him at his desk. "Have you seen Colonel Sheppard?" she queried with a voice far too chipper for the few minutes before night gave way to the next morning. _

_"Not recently," he answered, remaining focused on his screen full of equations. "Why?" _

_"I just had a report to give him," she said, holding up a folder. "But it can wait 'til morning, I guess." _

_A minute later, when he realized that she hadn't left and was apparently watching him work, he looked up and asked, "You… You want some coffee or something?" _

_She smiled. "Wow, how many straight hours have you been up?" _

_"What? Why?" _

_"'Cause you __**never**__ offer anyone your coffee," she teased. _

_Returning to his numbers, he mumbled, "Yes, well, if you don't want it…" _

_Evie shrugged and reached for his cup. It wasn't supposed to be a hint, her drinking from his coffee cup; she'd just grown up not caring about drinking after friends and family. _

_When Rodney glanced up and saw her sipping from his metal mug, he made a face. "Ugh! Now I have to get a new cup," he complained. _

_Evie rolled her eyes. "You won't die, Rodney," she said. "It's not like I have cooties. Stop being such a drama queen." _

_"I'm not a drama queen," he insisted defensively. _

_"Yes, you are," Evie retorted, deciding to see if he could be immature as well. _

_"No, I'm not." _

_"Are too." She could do this all night. _

_"Am not." _

_"Are too." _

_"You're really hot when you argue," Rodney noted, completely out of the blue. _

_"Uhh…" Evie was taken aback for a second. "Thank you?" Rodney shrugged. "Do you always give random compliments to women?" she asked. _

_"Only if they're true," he answered. _

_Evie blushed. "Well…your glasses are really hot," she said, in reference to the small pair of reading glasses he was currently wearing. _

_"My __**glasses**__?" he repeated in a tone of mock-offense. _

_"And the rest of you, too, I suppose," Evie said, making a show of looking him up and down. _

_Flattered, though he wouldn't show it, Rodney said with a hint of sarcasm, "Well, thank you for boosting my oh-so-fragile self-esteem. But if you'll excuse me…" He trailed off as he went back to his calculations. _

_Undeterred, Evie sat down on the edge of the desk. "Whatcha workin' on?" she inquired. "Wait, let me guess: nothing I would understand?" _

_Amused, Rodney explained, "The confinement field of the _Daedalus_' hyperdrive is dependent on the synchronic differentials in the Heisenberg generator. Sublight engines aren't restricted because the power fluctuations aren't nearly as unstable. So I'm working on a way to stabilize the polarity of the intermix chamber, in order to redefine the core processing and activation circuitry of the drive and, hopefully, make the hyperdrive more efficient." _

_"Can I look?" _

_Rodney shrugged and turned the screen so that she could see. _

_After a minute of staring at the information, she smiled. "You're right. I have no idea what any of that means." _

_"No one does," he smirked. "That's why I'm--" _

_"The most important man in two galaxies?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. _

_Rodney cocked his head slightly. "Yes, actually." Then he turned back to his work. _

_After a minute of watching Rodney make various corrections and further calculations, Evie said, "You know, since we're both hopped up on caffeine, I say we go watch a movie." _

_"I've seen everything I care to see in the insufficient DVD library," Rodney said. _

_"I've got some movies they don't have," she suggested. _

_"Hmm…" He really __**could**__ use a break. "Like what?" _

_"You like romantic comedies?" _

_"Not really." _

_"James Bond?" _

_"__**No**__." _

_"How do you feel about action movies in general, then?" _

_"I've probably seen all the good ones," he answered, putting his laptop on standby. _

_Evie thought for a minute, then quoted, "'If I were to say to you that I am a stranger traveling from the East, seeking that which is lost…'" When no spark of recognition showed on his face, Evie gasped. "That's just sad! Come on," she said, grabbing his wrist. "We're going to watch 'The Mummy' and 'The Mummy Returns'!" _

_"__**Two**__ movies? But we won't be done until nearly 4 AM," Rodney pointed out as she pulled him along. _

_"That's why we'll need more coffee," she answered with a grin…_

"He wouldn't stop criticizing the mistakes in their Egyptian mythology," she finished with a wry smile.

"Sounds like an amusing first date," John observed.

"First date? Are you kidding?" She laughed. "He didn't ask me out for another week and he didn't kiss me until two weeks after that."

"You could have kissed _him_," John pointed out, a little surprised that this discussion wasn't feeling more awkward.

Evie shook her head. "I'm an old-fashioned girl," she explained. "The guy should make the move the first time. He's also supposed to ask, but I guess Rodney didn't know that part."

John chuckled in remembrance of the first time _he_ had kissed her. "I, uhh… I didn't exactly ask, either," he said.

"Well, I'm sure she was very forgiving."

John nodded. "How on earth did you two end up getting married?"

"Oh. Well… We, uhh…" She blushed. "We had sex on our third date, so…"

John's expression couldn't have been more shocked. _Glaring_ difference number one! "Oh, uhh…" How the _hell _was he supposed to respond to that? "Whatever happened to being an old-fashioned girl?" he finally asked.

"Well…he asked!" she shrugged. "I know three dates is a little soon, but you're acting like I'm a tramp or something."

"No, it's just… Was he your first?"

"Rodney? Hell, no."

When that sunk in, John grinned almost stupidly. "Did you just swear?" he asked, highly amused. Hello, big difference number two.

"I do believe I did. Your Evie doesn't cuss?" she asked after a pause.

John shook his head. "But, sorry, you were saying?"

She nodded. "Right. Rodney was number three, not that it matters, and after we crossed that line, it was kind of… What's the term? A whirlwind romance." She smiled. "He asked me to marry him two months later."

"Wow. That's… Yeah…whirlwind."

Evie grinned. "A lot of people were skeptical about it, 'cause we moved so fast. We also kind of became notorious for our fights…"

"I fight with my Evie sometimes, too."

"Oh, I guarantee we do it more often and more extreme. I think I've got the worst temper on the base," she chuckled. "But we've got love going on, or else I'd probably have killed him by now. And we've got passion." She grinned naughtily.

John grimaced and shook his head quickly. "I don't want to hear about your passion…"

"I shall spare you the details." There was a comfortable silence for a moment. "So what's _our_ relationship like?" Evie asked. "In your reality."

"Oh, you know, the typical 'secret lovers' kind. But we decided to get married on Venalia for the sake of commitment."

"Really? Rodney and I honeymooned there," she related with a smile. "But you don't wanna hear about that."

"Absolutely not."

"So, is it hard not being noticed?" she wondered.

"Some days," he replied thoughtfully. "Especially when I have to make up logical excuses to spend time with Aiden."

"Captain Ford?"

He shook his head. "_My_ Aiden. Well, technically he's _our_ Aiden. He just hit ten months, and he's into _everything_."

Evie's expression brightened immensely. "I…I had a baby?"

John nodded. "I wish I could show you a picture; he's beautiful," he said with pride appropriate for a father. "He's got my charm and your deviousness. His goal in life right now is to drive Rodney crazy."

"Aww!" Evie laughed. "What's he do to him?"

"Oh, the usual baby hijinks. Take things, hide things, _eat_ things." He chuckled. "He pried the 'enter' key off Rodney's laptop last week and nearly swallowed it. Rodney swore that if Aiden ever touched his computer again, he'd tell Elizabeth that he was my baby."

"She doesn't know?" Evie asked, surprised.

"Well, she's not _supposed_ to know," John answered. "Even if she did, I'm not sure she'd report it; she's not necessarily on board with all our military rules."

"Whose baby does she think he is, then?" Evie wanted to know. "Or am I the city slut in your reality?"

"No, not at all," John was quick to reassure. "It's actually a very interesting story…" Over the next few minutes, he proceeded to tell her about the sacrificial situation Rodney had gotten himself into.

"Can't say the man doesn't have a good heart somewhere way down deep," Evie said with a smile when John had finished. After a few seconds she got a far-off look in her eyes. "You know," she began quietly, "we were thinking about having a baby one day… We wanted a little girl. We would have named her Annie…" She let her daydream wash over her for a few seconds more, then shook her head slowly as if trying to shake the thought out of her mind. "Oh, well," she said, changing the subject. "Summer says that if she ever has a baby girl, she'll name it after me. How cool is that?"

John forced a smile; he had no idea how she could be positive about _anything_ with her condition. "So, what are you watching?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Surely your Rodney has made you watch _Serenity_," Evie said.

John shook his head.

"Oh. Well, we're both hard-core _Firefly_ fans and this is the movie that was made to wrap up the show when it got cancelled," she explained. "It probably won't make any sense to you, especially since it's nearly over, but I guess I can try to explain it as it goes."

John yawned. "Actually, I think I'm gonna try to get some sleep. I'm feeling more tired now. Shouldn't you be thinking about sleep, too?" he asked.

"I'll probably just fall asleep on the couch," she answered. "I don't want to wake Rodney with my coughing."

"Oh. Well, goodnight then."

"Goodnight, sir."

She watched him leave, then returned her tired eyes to the TV screen.

"Mal. Guy killed me, Mal. Killed me with a sword. How weird is that?"


	5. Where Can You Run?

"I am telling the truth!" Radek promised.

"You're telling me that out of the whole science team that visited that planet, Princess Amaia came onto _you_?" Rodney asked in disbelief.

Radek grinned gleefully. "Yes."

"And you're the one guy out of the whole team who…" he trailed off.

"Who wasn't interested?" Radek winked. "Yes. She turned the most brilliant shade of pink when I tried to explain."

"I bet she did," Rodney chuckled. "Poor thing."

"Poor thing?" Radek repeated. "She has a whole harem of beautiful men! What does she need me for?"

"Maybe she thinks you're cute?" Troy Fleegman, Radek's assistant, teased.

"Oh, hush, and finish what you are supposed to be doing," Radek said, though his words lacked bite.

"I _am_ finished," Troy answered.

"Oh. Well then, you may take your break if you wish."

"Thanks, Doc," the younger man said, taking off his lab coat. "Want me to bring you back another cup of coffee?"

"Yes, please, _miláček_," Radek answered with a smile.

When Troy left the room, Rodney sighed. "I don't know why he puts up with you."

Radek chuckled. "Nor do I."

Rodney was about to say something else, when he heard his wife's voice on the radio. "Dr. McKay?"

"Yes?"

"Private channel," she requested.

Rodney complied. "What is it, Evie? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she answered, and her tone sounded happy. "I was just wondering if you were doing anything? I'm kind of bored and I wanted to see you."

"I'm supposed to meet with John and Elizabeth sometime soon," he answered.

"Can you come over for just a little bit? Pretty please?"

He smiled. "I'll be there in five minutes."

XXXXXX

"I swear," Rodney chuckled, entering his quarters, "if Zelenka gets hit on by one more gorgeous princess…" He hadn't even gotten his jacket off when Evie attacked him, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and capturing his mouth with hers. The unexpected ambush caught Rodney off-guard and he was still for several seconds, before responding to the kiss and meeting her lust with gentleness.

He had to pull away from her a moment later to take a breath and Evie immediately began placing kisses along his jawline, until she reached his neck. When she began shoving his jacket off his shoulders, a red flag went up in Rodney's mind. "Evie, what are you doing?"

"What do you _think_ I'm doing?" she murmured against his skin.

As soon as his jacket hit the floor, Evie sneaked her hands underneath his shirt, sliding her hands up his back and pulling his body against hers. Rodney cleared his throat. Her hands felt hot on his skin and when she began placing open-mouthed kisses at the base of his neck, his eyes fluttered shut automatically. "Evie…" he whispered, then tried to push her back. "Honey, we can't."

"Yes, we can," she said, nipping his skin between her teeth.

"Shit," he hissed, knowing things were going too far. "Carson says we shouldn't," he maintained. "It gets you way too worked up and your breathing and heart rate much too high."

"Screw Carson," Evie said with derision. "It's just you and me here." She dragged a fingernail tantalizingly down the length of his spine and felt him shiver. "Please, Rodney?" she begged. "I want this. I want _you_."

"Damn…Evie," he whispered, trying valiantly to resist. "I don't want to make your condition worse by exerting you. Please…"

Her head was still resting in the crook of his neck and when he felt a sudden wetness there, he guessed it to be a tear. "Rodney… Do you really not want to do this?"

"Honey, you _know_ I'd like to," he said softly.

"Then let me have this." She brought her hands between them and placed them on his belt. She raised her head up to look at him, her eyes pleading. "Please, Rodney?"

Carson was going to kill him. "Okay," he breathed, nodding his head.

Evie smiled and began quickly working on his belt buckle. When she actually whispered, "Thank you," Rodney took her face in his hands and kissed her. Her lips immediately parted for him and his tongue slid against hers like silk.

When they broke apart a second later, she managed, "What Carson doesn't know won't -- mmm -- hurt him. Right?"

He smiled. "Right."

* * *

When John failed to catch Rodney right after breakfast, he began searching for him in all the usual places. He checked the lab first. No Rodney. He looked in the Control Room. Still no Rodney. Maybe he was already waiting in Elizabeth's office… A quick glance up to the glass room revealed that he wasn't. Damn it, didn't he remember that they were supposed to brief Elizabeth about the likely planet match they'd found? John was itching to go check it out.

He decided to check Rodney and Evie's quarters, though he didn't think the physicist would be there at this hour. He thought it odd that Rodney had moved into Evie's quarters, rather than the other way around; Rodney's quarters were a little bit bigger. But Evie's _did_ have that nice balcony… John neared the door, but froze with his hand an inch away from the sensor. He winced at the telltale sounds coming from the room.

This was _so_ messed up.

When he heard Rodney moan her name, John thought he was going to throw up. He turned quickly and left the corridor as fast as he could without actually running down the hall.

XXXXXX

An hour later, Rodney entered his lab, pleased to find John there as well. "Hey," he said.

"It's about damn time," John grumbled.

"What?"

"We were supposed to go brief Elizabeth and get the okay to check out MD4-225."

"I know," Rodney replied. "So let's go."

"I've been _waiting_ for you since breakfast!"

"Umm… I'm sorry?"

"I looked everywhere for you. But instead of helping me talk to Elizabeth, you were off doing God knows what with Evie."

"I don't know what led you to believe that you're my number one priority," Rodney said, annoyed, "but you're not. Evie is. And that's just the way things are."

"So you think that rather than helping me get out of here, it's more important to dick around an--"

"Look," Rodney interrupted, eyes flashing in anger. "I realize that being stuck here is not fun for you. But all of us here have our own problems, too."

"Didn't sound like you two were having a _problem_ to me," John spat. "It sounded like you were having--."

"Yes. We were," Rodney said angrily. "My wife is very sick and doesn't usually feel like doing anything physically demanding. Which means that when she comes to me and says she feels up to having sex, I'm gonna do my damnedest to make sure it's the best she's ever had!"

John just glowered at him, his expression a mix of anger and disgust.

After several long moments of exchanging intense glares, Rodney sighed and asked, "Are we going to talk to Elizabeth or not, John?"

"Fine," Sheppard ground out. "Let's go."

XXXXXX

"Are you sure it's the right planet?" Elizabeth asked, twirling her pen between her fingers.

"Pretty damn," John answered.

Elizabeth nodded, pleased.

"So…can we go?"

"Even though it's an Ancient planet, I think we should send a MALP first," she answered. "Y'know, just to be safe."

"And then we can go?" John pressed.

She smiled. "Yes, John."

"But we have to brief Teyla and Ford first," Rodney added.

"Fine," John said. "Let's just brief them…briefly."

Elizabeth nodded, putting her pen down. "You can leave in an hour," she said.

"Thank you," John said earnestly.

XXXXXX

"Be careful, Rodney," Evie admonished as he geared up.

"We sent a MALP and everything looked fine, honey," he assured her, strapping on his thigh holster. "No anomalous energy signatures, no Wraith, no life signs at all. We'll be fine."

She nodded. "Will you be gone long?"

"Shouldn't be more than a day."

"Dr. McKay, we're leaving," Ford called as he exited the armory.

"I'll see you later," he promised, giving her a quick kiss before following after Ford.

XXXXXX

"Is this it?" Teyla asked almost an hour later, as they neared a facility that wasn't very Ancient-looking.

"I think so," John said, growing excited. "Major Lorne said that they built the exterior with the same materials that the natives used for their buildings. Trying to disguise it, I guess."

Ford looked at the building skeptically. "If you say so, sir."

When they reached the outpost, they began searching for the entrance. After a minute, Ford called, "I think I found the door." The other three were at his side a moment later. There was no sensor or handle or other means to open it, but the shape and outline was obviously a door of Lantean design. "Can't you open it with your gene, sir?" Ford asked.

"I'm trying," John said, ordering the door to open with his mind.

"I'm not getting any energy readings from it at all," Rodney said, using his tablet.

"So it's dead?" Ford guessed.

"It looks that way."

John swore, knowing this wasn't a good sign.

A few seconds later they heard Teyla calling from the other side of the building. "John, I've found a way in."

The other three followed the sound of her voice. When they reached her, the sight wasn't comforting. She was standing in front of a sizable hole in the wall of the structure. It looked like someone had banged away at it with tools until the wall had given way.

Switching on the flashlights on their P-90s, the team cautiously ducked through the hole. Despite his best efforts, John couldn't get any of the lights to come on, so they were stuck searching by flashlight.

Though he tried to keep his hopes high, when John saw all the smashed Ancient tech, he knew they weren't going to find anything.

"All I've got are empty shelves, sir," Ford reported, sweeping his flashlights across the bare cubbies built into the walls.

John walked over to Ford and looked at the shelves for himself. "This is where it was," he confirmed. "I saw the pictures." He ran his fingers over one of the inscribed Ancient labels.

Experimental tools littered the floor around the workbench Teyla was examining. "These workstations appear to have been forcibly removed," she said, noting the indentations where Ancient computers had once sat.

Rodney checked his tablet one last time. Not a single energy reading. "John…" He hesitated, not wanting to say it. "I think it's--"

"I know," John said sadly. "A dead end."


	6. Where You Gonna Go?

Despite knowing that it was hopeless, John and the team performed a complete search of the rest of the building before beginning their hour-long trek back to the Gate.

John sat numbly through the debriefing. He gave the appropriate answers at the appropriate times, but he was on autopilot. All his thoughts were focused on the fact that he was now stuck here with no apparent way of getting back to his reality, to his _family_.

Later that night, after being very reclusive and eating dinner in his quarters, John ventured to the rec room. Finding it thankfully empty, he sat down on the floor and started a game of Halo 3. He would rather have gone to the firing range and shot a _real_ gun to relieve his stress, but he wasn't allowed access to any weapons. Even when they had gone to the planet, he'd only been given a small stunner. _'Trust, my ass,'_ he complained to himself.

"Why so sad?" asked a voice he recognized as Evie's. He paused the game and looked up to see her in her pajamas standing by the door.

"Didn't you hear the news? I'm stuck here," he lamented.

"I'm really sorry," she said sympathetically.

"Pity from the woman who should be my wife but is instead married to my best friend. Yeah, that makes me feel a whole lot better."

Evie shrugged. "Ice cream?" Despite his depressed attitude, she saw his eyes light up just a little at this suggestion. "It was Elizabeth's birthday last week and we still have all the fixings for hot fudge sundaes."

John thought for a minute. Something sweet drenched in something even more sweet and chocolate-y _did_ sound kind of good right now… "Okay."

XXXXXX

"This is really good," John said, speaking for the first time since they sat down together; they were now both halfway done with their way-too-large sundaes.

"You feel a little bit better?" she asked, hopeful.

"I don't know _what_ to feel," John said honestly. "I mean… I was so sure it was going to work." He looked down, angry. "I found the damn planet. We even found the Ancient outpost! But there was nothing there. The whole place had been cleared out by whatever pack of scavenging aliens beat us to it." He whispered a curse as he kept his eyes on his dessert. "How am I supposed to get home now?" he said quietly.

"I'm sure Rodney will think of something," Evie said optimistically. "Or maybe _your_ Rodney will! If he's half as smart as mine, I'll bet he's working on a way to reverse the effects of the device right now."

John shrugged and continued staring at the chocolate swirling through his ice cream.

"You really miss her…" she guessed after a moment.

"A hell of a lot," he whispered.

Evie put a comforting hand on his arm and he finally looked up at her. His distraught expression was heartbreaking and she hated seeing her friend like that. Hoping to make him feel better, she leaned over, somewhat hesitantly, and kissed him.

Startled, John didn't respond at first, but after a few seconds, he had his hands in her hair and he was kissing her back, wanting desperately to feel -- if only for a moment -- that he was home and things were right again.

But things _weren't_ right. He pulled away and eased his fingers out of her hair, refusing to meet her gaze.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I just thought--"

"You're fine," he mumbled quietly. "It's just… You're not her…"

"You know," came another voice, "when I woke up to an empty bed, I thought, 'Maybe she went to the restroom' or 'Maybe she's watching a movie because she can't sleep.' But 'Maybe she's making out with the man from the alternate universe over hot fudge sundaes' never actually entered my mind."

Having whirled around when she heard her husband's voice, Evie's cheeks were now quickly coloring. "Rodney…" She hated the way he was just standing there, arms crossed, giving her a disappointed stare. Evie glanced nervously back at John, then stood up and hurried over to her husband.

Rodney grabbed her wrist and pulled her further away, hoping to get out of John's earshot. When they started yelling, though, the extra distance didn't matter. "What the hell was that?!" he cried.

"Rodney," she tried gently, "he is _really_ upset about not finding anything, and seeing me with you has only made things worse, an--"

"So _that_ is supposed to make him feel better?" he hollered, tightening his grip on her wrist.

Evie yanked her hand free. "I'm sorry! It seemed like a good idea at the time, and I didn't know what else to do for him!"

"So, what, anytime he misses her, you're just gonna make out? You _tongued_ him, Evie!"

"What, you think I did it because I love him?"

He crossed his arms again. "I don't know, do you?"

Having heard most of the shouting match, John was almost amused at the weird sense of déjà vu. But then Evie shouted something colorful at Rodney that made John wince. He watched as she stormed angrily out of the mess hall.

Rodney turned and shot John an icy glare.

"I didn't start it!" John protested.

"I don't give a _shit_ who started it," Rodney said threateningly. "Stay away from her. If you _ever_ touch her again, I'll break your fingers."

John was incensed. "_She_ came on to _me_!"

"Only because you've been following her around and wafting your pheromones at her like a dumb, horny--"

"Rodney?" Evie called weakly.

He turned and saw Evie holding her head and leaning against the wall a third of the way down the hall. Forgetting John, Rodney quickly rushed to her side. "Honey, what's wrong?"

He was standing right beside her, but his voice sounded distorted to her, like she was underwater. Evie was breathing heavily. "I can't-- I can't see my…" She brought her hands in front of her, trying to stare at them through the fuzzy blackness that was closing in. "Rodney, I think I'm--" Her eyes rolled back in her head and her knees buckled beneath her.

"Evie!" Rodney managed to catch her, and gently lowered her to the floor. He pressed his fingers against her neck and felt a steady pulse, though it was slower than normal. "Evie, come on, honey," he begged, gently touching her cheek with his fingertips. He jumped when he heard John's voice suddenly behind him.

"Why the hell aren't you taking her to the infirmary?" John demanded.

"This isn't the first time she's done this," Rodney answered. "Carson says that she doesn't need to be brought in unless she's out for more than a minute." He squeezed her hand. "Come on, Evie," he said, glancing at his watch.

An agonizing eleven seconds later, Evie's eyes slowly opened.

"Hey," Rodney said, relieved beyond words.

Realizing that she was on the floor and that John and Rodney both looked really worried, she asked, "Did I pass out again?"

Rodney nodded.

"Damn it! This is getting on my nerves!" she said, sitting up.

"Whoa, don't sit up too fast," he cautioned. "Do you still feel lightheaded?"

"A little." Embarrassed by the attention, she asked, "Look, can I just go to bed?"

Rodney carefully helped her to her feet. "Can you walk?" he asked, not letting go of her arm.

"I dunno… I'm still kinda dizzy," she answered.

"I think I should take you to the infirmary."

"No!" Evie moaned, trying to pull away from him. "'No rutting tests. Stupid son of a bitch dressed me up like a gorram doll!'"

Rodney had to smile a little. "I don't think you're quite psycho enough to be River, but nice try."

"Please don't make me go to the infirmary, Rodney," she begged. "I know exactly what Carson will say. He'll tell me to take another injection and try to sleep."

"But if you're feeling this dizzy, then maybe he should check you out," Rodney maintained.

"Please just take me back to our quarters, Rodney?" she pleaded, looking up at him with puppy-dog eyes.

Rodney sighed. "This is against my better judgment," he said, uncomfortable.

"Noted." She looked at him with that same pitifully innocent expression. "Carry me?"

"Okay." She wrapped her arms around his neck as he bent and picked up her legs.

John, who had been watching silently in the background, realized sadly that Evie must have lost about twenty pounds for Rodney to be able to carry her so easily.

Seeing Sheppard dejectedly watching them leave, Evie said, "See you tomorrow, Colonel," then dropped her head to rest on her husband's shoulder.

XXXXXX

"I don't care what Radek said, Doug," Rodney said, exasperated, wishing he hadn't decided to come into the lab this morning. "You _can't_ do this. It's not possible."

"But, sir, I--"

"Oh, you did _not_ just call me 'sir'…"

Doug winced. "Doctor. Dr. McKay," he corrected. "I'm sorry. But if you'd just let me--"

"I'm telling you it's impossible! It's--" He stopped mid-argument when he saw movement beside him, and he looked up just in time to see Evie crawl into his lap. "Morning, honey," he said, gently rubbing her back with his hand. "I was wondering if you were ever going to get up."

"I dreamed I was a toad."

He wasn't sure what to say to that. "Okay…"

"And I was trying to find the perfect mushroom. That's why I stayed asleep so long."

He chuckled. "And did you find it?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Yeah…" She closed her eyes and snuggled up against him. "Hey, don't stop yelling at the minion on my account," she mumbled into his shoulder.

"Oh." He looked back up at Doug. "Right. Where was I? Umm… Okay, you know what, Doug? Go try your damn project. And when the results come up 'simulation failed', don't come crying to me."

He nodded. "Yes, sir. _Doctor_!" Doug promptly left the room.

"Are you feeling better this morning, Evie?" Rodney asked.

"I guess…"

When she sniffled and snuffled, he asked, "Honey, are you crying?"

"No." She sat back so he could see that she wasn't. "But apparently my nose was feeling left out and decided to join the list of my body parts that no longer function properly; I've been congested all night. And nauseous."

"I'm sorry. Wanna go do something?"

"Don't you have to work?"

He smiled. "Actually, no."

She looked confused. "What do you mean 'no'?"

"I mean, I asked Elizabeth for some time off," he answered. "I've got over a month of vacation time stored up and she said that as long as I promise to come and help in the event of a crisis, I'm allowed to take it all at once. I'm just in here to finish up a few little things."

Evie smiled joyfully. "Rodney, that's great!" she said, then hugged him. "That really means a lot to me."

"What makes you think I'm gonna spend it with you?" he asked. "_I've_ got a fishing trip planned."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Fine. I'll just go play Twister with Colonel Sheppard."

"You do and I'll eat all the fried pickles that I asked Mya to make specially for you."

Evie's eyes lit up. "Where are they?!" she cried.

"She said she'd make them for you whenever you got up."

She quickly climbed off his lap and grabbed his hand. "Well, c'mon then; let's go!"

XXXXXX

Elizabeth blew on the nails of her left hand, helping the final coat of red polish to dry. "I told you yesterday, John, when I let you go to the Ancient outpost," she reiterated. "You can't have a gun, and you can't go off-world unless it's an extenuating circumstance."

He picked up one of the small statues on her desk and began fidgeting with it in his hands. "Why the hell not?" he asked, frustrated. "Don't you trust me?"

"That's just it. We don't know anything about you, John!" she pointed out. "For all I know, this could be a very elaborate subterfuge."

"You seriously think that I stranded myself here on purpose?" He hurled the statue at the wall and it shattered. "I have a wife and son, damn it!"

"John, I believe your story," she said, her voice full of sympathy. "Really, I do. But we can't just let you assume our Colonel Sheppard's duties. I'm very sorry that you're separated from your reality, but there _is_ always the off chance that you're not on the level and we just can't take that risk."

John turned away angrily, looking like he wanted to break something else. "Then what do you suggest I do until we figure out how to send me home?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"You are free to do whatever you want around the city," she offered.

"Such as?"

"You could help Rodney with whatever he's working on."

"Rodney's taking some time off, remember?"

"Oh, yeah…" She thought for a minute. "You could scour the database for other Ancient labs… Or spar with Captain Ford…"

"Liz?" a voice called over the comms.

"Yes, Chuck?"

"Are we still on for brunch? It's ten-thirty."

She looked at her watch and smiled. "Of course! Just gimme a minute." She returned her attention to John. "Do we still need to talk?"

John sighed, frustrated but resigned. "No," he said, then added curtly before leaving, "Enjoy your date."

XXXXXX

As Sheppard and Ford entered the gym, two young marines were just finishing up. "Hey, Hunter," the bigger man said as he stuffed his towel into his bag. "Your neck looks like it's bleeding. Did I do that?"

The blond set his water bottle down and felt the side of his neck. "Oh. No, that's a bite I got off-world yesterday. I guess it opened up again."

"A bite?"

"Yeah." The two men started heading for the door. "Some alien creature bit me."

"What kind of creature?"

"I dunno," the blond answered. "But it crawled around like a little monkey."

John smiled slightly, the men's conversation reminding him of a moment he'd shared with Evie the day before he'd been sent to this twisted reality…

_"Evie?" John called. _

_"Over here," answered a voice from the corner of Rodney's lab. _

_John turned and saw Evie lifting herself on top of the counter. She quickly reached up and began searching for something on the highest shelf. John raised an eyebrow. "Evie, why are you on the counter?" _

_"Because I'm too short to reach the top shelf," she answered. _

_"You're like a little monkey," he mused. _

_"Because I can climb or because I'm always getting into things and causing trouble?" _

_He chuckled. "Both." _

_She grinned triumphantly. "Gotcha." She pulled down two candy bars and began to eagerly unwrap one. _

_"Are you stealing from McKay's chocolate stash?" he asked as she took a big bite. _

_Evie tried to look innocent as she slowly shook her head. _

_"Evie…" _

_She swallowed the mouthful of delicious contraband. "He stole mine first!" she claimed in her defense. "He took my last Snickers out of my pack two days ago. You're not gonna tell on me, are you?" _

_John smiled, amused, and shook his head. _

_She smiled back. "Good, 'cause I got this one for you." _

_John was about to reply to her, but an approaching voice interrupted them. "…which is why I want you to check my math. I mean, obviously my idea is right -- they always are -- but we can't afford for there to be a mistake in the calculations." _

_"He's coming!" John hissed. Evie held her arms out and he quickly helped her down. _

_"C'mon," Evie said with a giggle, taking his hand and pulling him across the lab. As they escaped through the other door, she handed John the chocolate and grinned, "He'll never know." _

As Sheppard and Ford started their hand-to-hand session, John realized he wouldn't be able to use the fight as an escape from his thoughts; his muscles knew the moves too well and his mind was free to wander. While he reacted to Ford automatically, his thoughts became angry, trying to find someone to blame for his situation.

The Ancients were indirectly responsible for making the device without some kind of failsafe. Whoever destroyed the lab in _this_ reality was also at fault, for removing the device here that could have sent him home. Hell, he even blamed Lorne in his reality for finding the damn thing! But it was mostly Rodney's fault. Next time he was gonna tell that pushy, arrogant, overbearing Canadian to test his own damn gadgets. Why should _he_ be risking _his_ life every time he turned on some do-dad for Rodney? It's not like he gave a royal rip about any of the Ancient devices they'd found lately.

He was going to _destroy_ that thing when he got back. When, not if. He was going to take a really big hammer from one of the structural engineers and take it to that troublesome piece of technology and smash it, and smash it, and--

"Sir!"

John was yanked back to the present. He had Ford almost up against the wall. The lieutenant had a bloody nose and was holding both his arms up defensively. It took John a few seconds to realize that while lost in his bitter thoughts, he'd been taking out his frustration on Ford. And he'd gone too far.

John quickly backed up. "I'm sorry, I…"

"Are you okay, sir?" Ford asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I just…" Upset that he had let his emotions get the better of him, John turned and headed for the door. "I'm sorry."

XXXXXX

Ford groaned. "Remind me again why we're watching this _girly_ movie?"

"Teyla picked it," John answered. Sheppard's team, plus Evie, were lounging on the couches in the rec room. Ford had been thoughtful enough to invite Sheppard to their weekly team movie night.

"And what's wrong with this movie, Aiden?" Teyla asked. "At least I didn't pick _Sleeping Beauty_, which is Elizabeth's personal favorite."

"Oh, I don't do cartoons," Rodney stated.

"Oh, please, you watch Beauty and the Beast with me all the time," Evie said.

"Well," Rodney winced. "Okay, but I--"

"Man, she's got you whipped, McKay," Ford teased, making a motion with his hand.

"Shh," Teyla waved her hand at him. "It's getting good!"

They were silent for a few minutes as the movie came to its climax. After giving her a much-deserved apology, Prince Henry knelt down in front of Danielle.

"He's so romantic," Evie sighed.

"Ten minutes ago you called him a jackass and said that he was a disgrace to the title of Prince Charming," Rodney pointed out.

"Yeah, but now he's being all wonderful."

When she sniffled a few seconds later, he asked quietly, "Are you crying?"

"No," she lied, reaching up to wipe away a lone tear.

"You're such a _girl_," he teased and she hit him.

A moment later, Evie whispered, "Would you do that for me?"

"What, renounce my lofty title to be with you and buy you a fancy pair of shoes?"

She giggled. "Yeah."

"Of course." After a pause, he asked, "Are you trying to hint that you want me to buy you some more shoes?"

"No, I don't need new shoes. I don't need anything but you."

John, who had been trying his best to ignore them, rolled his eyes at how corny that sounded, though he knew that he'd probably had similar conversations with his own wife.

When Evie lifted her head and kissed Rodney, John felt like he should look away; but some twisted part of him was morbidly fascinated. Rodney gently deepened the kiss and brought his hand up to tenderly touch her face.

Evie pulled back a few seconds later and gave her husband a loving look. When Rodney leaned forward and kissed the end of her nose, she smiled happily.

John felt the mixed emotions that he was unfortunately becoming familiar with, the ones where he wanted to cry and throw up and kill something at the same time. He was saddened by how happy they looked. He tried to focus back on the big TV screen, but it didn't matter; he still knew that they were over there snuggling. His best friend and his wife. Or rather, their almost-identical, alternate reality, clone-selves. John banged his head against the back of the couch.

He _had_ to get out of here.


	7. I Dare You to Move

A/N: Sorry that this is a day late. Homework ate my brain yesterday and I forgot. ;-)

* * *

As John rounded the corner, he saw Teyla and Carson walking and talking animatedly, both looking happy. "Hey, John," Teyla called when she saw him.

"What have you been up to, Teyla?" he asked.

"Oh, not much. Just got back from a check-up." She grinned.

"You seem awful happy for just getting pricked and poked."

Carson and Teyla exchanged a secretive smile. "It wasn't that kind of a check-up," Teyla said, practically bouncing on her heels.

It took John a second. "Are you… Are you pregnant?"

Teyla nodded, then jumped up and down. "I'm pregnant!"

"Congratulations," he smiled, while she tried to stop bouncing. "Was this…planned?"

"Oh, yes. John and I have been trying for about two months."

"And I'm sure that he'll be thrilled to hear the news when Rodney finds a way to bring him back here," Carson interjected reassuringly. Teyla nodded.

"So your John's the family type?"

Teyla nodded again. "He wants seven."

John's eyebrows about shot off his face. "Seven?!"

"I know. I told him I'd see how I felt after four."

"After watching Evie have Aiden, I'm amazed that women even make it through _one_." John shook his head.

"Well, if you two will excuse me, I've got patients to attend to," Carson said. "You come see me if you start to feel sick, love."

Teyla smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Carson." When the doctor left, she returned her attention to the not-quite-father of her unborn child. "Want to join me for lunch?"

"Sure." The two of them started walking to the mess hall.

Teyla sighed after a moment. "Well, Rodney has seven and a half months to get my John back here," she said. "I am _not_ pushing this thing out without him."

"I'm sure he'll think of something," John said, though he didn't believe his words. Changing the subject, he asked, "So do you have a preference, boy or girl?"

Teyla made a face. "Girls are so emotionally needy. It had better be a boy."

_"I know that once it's born, I won't care either way…" Evie placed John's hand on her growing abdomen and smiled. "But I hope it's a boy." _

John pushed the memory out of his head and tried to smile at Teyla. "Well, congratulations again. I'm sure you'll make a wonderful mother."

Teyla smiled.

XXXXXX

"Ohh, this was a good idea, Radek," John said, stretching and then reaching to refill his glass.

"Nothing like a little homemade moonshine to take your mind off things," Rodney agreed, then raised his glass. "To Zelenka and his not-very-secret, secret distillery!"

Zelenka and John agreed heartily and raised their glasses. After taking a large gulp, John sighed contentedly. "Some things never change," he said with amusement. Unbidden, a memory of the first time John had taken Evie to Zelenka's still came to John's mind, but he quashed it before it could replay in his head. "So, Elizabeth doesn't have a problem with this?" he asked instead.

"Elizabeth?" Radek chuckled. "She was practically first one to come by for a drink!"

John was amused. "I told you guys that story about what happened in _my_ reality when Elizabeth got drunk at that Athosian festival, right?"

Rodney and Radek both laughed. "Yes," McKay answered, "though feel free to tell it again."

"Nah… I'll let you know if I think of any other good ones, though."

"I do so love hearing about the differences in our realities. It both fascinates and amuses me. Maybe we should not send you back," Radek teased.

"If you two find a way and don't tell me, there will be serious consequences," John said, though he didn't sound very threatening at all.

"Oh, what are you going to do, John?" Rodney said sarcastically.

John thought for a minute. "I'll shoot you."

Rodney snorted. "That's it?"

John nodded. "I'm too drunk to be more creative than that."

"How long exactly have you been here?" Radek asked, staring at his empty glass as if more alcohol would materialize if he thought hard enough.

"It's been what, a month?" Rodney estimated.

"Three weeks, five days, eighteen hours," John said glancing at his watch.

"What do you miss most?" Radek asked without thinking.

John managed to glare daggers at the Czech despite his intoxication.

"Ah, right. Sorry." Radek winced. "Besides your family, what do you miss the most?"

John shrugged. "Maybe Ronon? And all the little things. Rodney yelling at everybody and being condescending all the time… You hitting on Elizabeth and failing… Teyla wearing slutty little tops cut down to here." Rodney grinned along with John.

When Radek noticed that Rodney's glass was empty, he picked up the pitcher and offered, "More, Rodney?"

He shook his head. "If I drink much more, my brain will get fuzzy."

"John?"

"Fill 'er up," John said, holding out his glass. "Maybe if I get drunk enough, I'll actually get a decent night's sleep."

When Zelenka refilled his own glass as well, Rodney cautioned, "Easy on the moonshine, Radek. You and I have to reconfigure the parameters on the gate diagnostic and reprogram the jumper drivepod systems tomorrow, remember?"

"Can't you get an underling to do it?" John pointed out.

"It's a highly specific process with complex equations that anyone besides me would probably screw up."

John scoffed. "I helped Rodney do that last month; it's not that complicated."

Rodney and Radek stared at John in astonishment.

"…what?" John asked after a pause.

"You…know how to do that?" Rodney asked, shocked.

"Sure. I coulda been Mensa." He grinned and took another drink.

"Really?" Radek said, then chuckled.

"Yeah… Why?"

"Well, our Colonel Sheppard isn't exactly Mensa material," Radek explained. "He's more of a…well…"

"He's a dumb, horny flyboy," Rodney said amusedly.

"Hey!" John said defensively.

"Oh, sorry. That describe you, too?" Rodney smirked.

"No. I'm a _smart_, horny flyboy!" They all laughed.

"Hang on a sec, Evie's calling me," Rodney said, reaching up to his earpiece. "Hey, honey, what's up?" There was a pause while Evie answered. "I'm having a drink with John and Radek." He frowned. "No, I'm not getting 'shit-faced', Evie, I've only had a couple glasses. …Right now? Yeah, I guess I can. It's not like we're talking about anything important. …Okay. See you in a few minutes."

John stood up at the same time as Rodney. "I should probably go, too," he said, stretching.

Radek stood as well, and began putting things away. "I as well. Troy is probably wondering where I am."

"Thanks for the moonshine, Radek," John said as he and Rodney left.

XXXXXX

"No _way_ is she the best Catwoman," John argued a few moments later as they were walking down the corridor.

"Julie Newmar is _clearly_ sexier and the better actress," Rodney insisted.

"Oh, please. Eartha Kitt was--"

Rodney held up a hand when he heard his wife's voice in his ear. "Hang on, shut up a second. What's wrong, Evie?"

"I don't feel very good." She paused for a moment to cough harshly. "Where are you?"

"I'm coming, we're two corridors down."

"Rodney, I don't feel good…"

"Lie down, honey! Drink some water, where's your injector?" There was no response. "Evie?" Still silence. Rodney swore and looked at John. "C'mon!"

John and Rodney reached the McKays' quarters a minute later. "Evie?" Rodney called worriedly.

John stood passively to the side as Rodney searched the room; he was slowly accepting the way things were here, slowly accepting his place.

He watched as Rodney rushed into the bathroom, felt a wave of dread when he heard Rodney's quiet, "Oh, my God." He was quickly by Rodney's side, hoping he'd be able to help. He wasn't prepared for what he saw.

Water and broken glass were scattered across the floor, most likely a drinking glass that had fallen from her hand. There was an unsettling amount of blood spattered inside the sink, and a bloodied washcloth hanging from the edge. But what broke John's heart was Evie's body sprawled out on the floor, her skin ghostly pale, her lips bloody.

Rodney knelt next to his wife and gently pulled her head into his lap. "Evie? Please wake up, honey." He tenderly felt her head, trying to see if she'd hit it hard when she fell. Looking up at John with tears in his eyes, he managed, "Alert the infirmary. Tell Carson we're bringing her to him."

John nodded and keyed his comm as Rodney gently picked up Evie's limp body. "Carson, have a medical team ready in the infirmary. We're bringing Evie in."

XXXXXX

A little while later, Rodney was sitting in a chair next to Evie's bed in a private room off the infirmary. He'd been pushed to the background while Carson had worked on getting her hooked up and stabilized; now he'd pulled the chair close to the bed and was holding her hand between his.

Rodney thought she looked better now. A little bit of the color was returning to her face, and the blood had been cleaned from her mouth. Alas, her frail beauty was marred by all the wires and tubes going into and out of her. A canula had been placed under her nose, she had an IV in her left arm, and she had electrodes monitoring her heart, as well as a finger clip.

Carson had had a very painfully honest conversation with Rodney a few minutes before. The doctor had explained that she was entering the final stage of the disease, when all her muscles -- including her heart -- started shutting down.

Rodney knew she wasn't going to leave this bed.

He didn't know how long he sat there with her, but he was immensely happy when she murmured his name, slowly opening her eyes.

"Hey," he said gently. "How're you feeling?"

"'m tired," she answered. "And I'm thirsty."

He helped her sit up, then handed her a cup of water with a straw. After sipping, Evie lay back on her pillow, breathing heavily like sitting up and drinking had been physically demanding.

"Do you need anything else?" he asked.

"No," she answered. "I think I'm'a…" She yawned. "Go back to sleep."

"Okay."

"You aren't gonna go anywhere, are you?" she asked worriedly.

"I'll stay right here, I promise," he replied, squeezing her hand.

"Good," she said, then closed her eyes.


	8. Like Today Never Happened Before

Things went much the same for the next three days. Rodney had his meals in her room, brought in his laptop, his tablet, and a few books, even slept on a cot next to her bed. He talked with her, read to her, helped her eat, and took her back and forth to the bathroom.

On the fourth day, he realized that she couldn't walk at all anymore, even with his help. Not wanting to be the one to confine her completely to the infirmary bed, he used a wheelchair to take her to the bathroom.

Evie was forced to let him help her with almost everything now, but her fierce independence struggled with her constant reliance on him. She was ashamed, felt like a burden; she _hated_ that he had to take care of her like she was a child. There were tears in her eyes when she had to ask him to help her shower.

Two days and three accidents later, Carson inserted a catheter and a feeding tube into her, dooming her completely to bedrest.

Evie slept more and more, aided by heavy doses of morphine for the pain she was experiencing. Rodney tried his best to limit his breakdowns to the moments when she was sleeping; he wanted to be calm for her when she was awake. He'd barely left her room for the last six days, only taking a break when Carson had forced him to, promising the physicist that either he or John would sit with her.

Sometimes John would come in and talk to him. Trying to lift his spirits, Rodney supposed. But they both knew what was coming in a matter of days, and their conversations always seemed poisoned by this knowledge. His other teammates had come by, too, even Dr. Weir, but nothing they said made him feel any better.

On the seventh day -- Sunday, Nurse Jordan had told him -- Rodney noticed that Evie had been asking for more pain medicine than usual. Two days ago Carson had given Rodney detailed instructions about how many cc's of what drugs she was allowed to have at _x_ hours between doses, and he now had the permission to inject the painkillers himself into her IV.

"This is so dumb," Evie sighed, pulling Rodney from his thoughts. "I'm stuck in this stupid bed. I can't wash unless Nurse Jordan feels like giving me a sponge bath. I'm not eating or drinking by myself at all. Hell, I'm not even _peeing_ of my own free will anymore!"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying can't Carson just suffocate me with a pillow or something? Geez, I'm tired of this."

Rodney closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "Please don't say that," he whispered.

She squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry. It's gonna be okay, Rodney."

"Easy for you to say."

She rubbed his hand with her thumb. "I love you."

He swallowed again, trying to keep his composure. Every time he heard those words, he couldn't help but wonder if it was for the last time. "I love you, too," he said, and he knew she caught the fact that his voice broke.

Evie was about to tell him not to cry when she was assaulted by a sharp pain in her chest. "Oww!" Her back arched a little ways off the bed. "Give me some more morphine," she demanded through clenched teeth.

"I can't," Rodney said, noticing from the loudly beeping monitor that her heart rate was increasing. "Not for another hour."

"Damn it, this _hurts_!" she whimpered.

"Evie, I _can't_!"

A few tears slipped down her cheeks, tears that Rodney knew he was powerless to stop. When she started trying weakly to crawl over the side of the bed, he asked, "What are you doing?"

"I want you to hold me," she said, her voice almost a sob.

"Evie, you can't leave your bed," he said, gesturing to all the wires and tubes.

She fell back against the bed and starting sobbing in earnest. "Then make it go away," she begged, writhing on the bed.

He clasped her hand. "God, Evie, I--"

She cried out in pain and pleaded, "Rodney! Rodney, get Carson!"

Rodney nodded and dashed out the door.

He returned with Carson less than a minute later. "Oh, Evie," Carson said sadly when he saw her weeping on the bed.

"Carson, please," she sobbed, "just make it _stop_!"

"She's not supposed to have anything more for another hour," Rodney said.

Picking up a syringe, Carson said, "We'll give her half. We're long past the point of the drugs doing more damage than the disease, anyway." He injected half of the liquid into her IV. "There, there, love," he said, comfortingly. "It'll pass."

Evie started to relax just half a minute later. "Thanks, Carson," she mumbled, wiping her eyes.

Rodney wiped away two tears of his own as he watched her. "Umm, Evie?" he started, knowing that his voice sounded wrecked. "I have to…go to the bathroom. But I'll be right back, okay?"

She nodded, fisting her hands in the sheets as the pain continued to slowly dissipate.

Carson nodded knowingly to Rodney as the physicist stepped past him. "I'll stay with her."

Rodney didn't even respond, quickly leaving the room and walking to the men's half of the infirmary bathroom. Once inside, he leaned against the wall, sliding down until he was on the floor. Dropping his head in his hands, he let the tears come. Seeing her like that was more than he could take. In a matter of seconds, big, loud sobs racked his body. He just couldn't do this anymore. There couldn't possibly be a worse form of torture than watching your loved one slowly die.

Choking through another round of sobs, Rodney didn't notice the door open until he heard another voice. "Are you okay?"

Rodney didn't have to look up to know it was John. Two months ago, he would have felt like crawling under a rock and staying there forever if John had ever seen him cry like this. Now, he didn't even care. "Do I fucking _look_ okay?" he choked. He felt John slide down and sit next to him. Again, he strangely didn't care.

"Is there anything--"

"No. There is _nothing_ you can do for me," Rodney said through clenched teeth. "Can't you just leave me here to cry until I can't anymore?"

John reached over and placed his hand on Rodney's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. John didn't mention that _he_ had cried, too, the last time he saw her.

Rodney surprised himself again by not even stiffening at the other man's touch. He thought about turning and grabbing fistfuls of John's jacket, and crying into his shoulder. But that would be too weird. _His_ John maybe… But not this Sheppard, with the pilot's feelings toward Evie too similar to Rodney's own.

Instead, he just sat there for another few minutes, sobbing, until he realized that he needed to get back to Evie. Willing himself to calm down, he took several deep breaths until the tears finally stopped. Wiping his eyes, he stood up and headed for the door but stopped when John spoke up.

"You look like hell."

Rodney shot him a glare, then glanced in the mirror. John was right. His face was flushed and his eyes were red and puffy. Turning on the faucet, he splashed his face with cold water a few times. When he noticed John moving behind him, he asked, "What are you doing?"

John faced the urinal and unzipped his pants. "Peeing. Did you think I came in here just to check on you or something?"

This elicited an amused, half-smile from Rodney. He grabbed a paper towel and dried his face. "You know," he said, heading for the door. "I don't think she'd mind if you wanted to sit with her this evening. And I could probably use a break."

"I'll be there after dinner," John promised.

"Thanks."

When Rodney returned to his chair beside Evie, she looked up at him and shook her head slowly. "Liar, liar, pants on fire," she said quietly.

"What?"

"You were crying."

He shrugged it off. "It happens."

"Mm." She nodded slowly. "You know what I was thinking about…when you were gone?"

"What?"

She weakly reached out her hand, which he grasped in his. "Our first date," she answered with a smile.

He smiled back. "The one I completely messed up?"

She nodded. "You were _so_ nervous. You kept babbling on and on about…random things and you spilled your drink on me."

He chuckled. "And I'm sure you were thinking that I was such a catch," he teased.

"I was thinking," she smiled, "that if you were that nervous…you must really like me."

"Well, I'm certainly glad you thought of it that way and didn't write me off."

"Me, too." She squeezed his hand. "Kiss me?"

Rodney leaned over and very gently brushed his lips against hers. When he pulled back, Evie began scooting to the far side of the bed, pulling her wires and tubes with her.

"What are you doing?"

"I want you to hold me," she said, patting the empty place next to her.

"Evie, I can't get up on the bed with you. I'll probably break it."

She giggled , a positively wonderful sound that Rodney hadn't heard in over a week. "Stop making fat jokes about yourself and get up here."

Rodney sighed, then climbed onto the bed beside her with something less than grace. Unable to curl up against him, hindered by her feeding tube and IV, Evie pulled his arm across her and leaned her head over to rest against his shoulder.

Rodney kissed the top of her head. "If Carson comes in here and starts yelling at me…"

"I'll tell him to shove it."

Rodney smiled.

XXXXXX

"Tell me more about Aiden," Evie requested. "What does he look like?"

John smiled. "He's got dark hair that sticks up like Alfalfa and he has elf ears like me. He giggles at _everything_ and he's been talking for three months already, which he probably got from her. His first word was 'shoe.'"

She chuckled. "Sounds like a cutie. Do you get to spend a lot of time with him?"

"Enough, I guess," John answered after a pause. "I mean, he seems to like me. The day before all this happened, she brought him into Elizabeth's office and I was there, and he started squirming and reaching for me."

"Bet that made you feel good," she smiled.

"Yeah… He's started walking," John said, staring off into space, remembering. "I was there when he took his first steps. He walked all by himself from her bed over to me…" His expression saddened considerably, knowing that he'd probably never get to watch Aiden hit his next milestone, never get to hold him again…

"Hey," she said, as if realizing his thoughts. "You'll see them both again."

"You sound so sure."

"Something will work out, John," she said confidently. "You just have to have faith. 'Faith is a blue bird, we see from far. It's for real and as sure as the first evening star. You can't touch it or buy it or wrap it up tight, but it's there just the same, making things turn out right.'"

He had to smile. "That sounds like something she'd say."

"Then she obviously has good taste in movies."

Before John could ask what movie the quote was from, Evie gasped.

"What?" he asked, alarmed. "What's wrong?"

Evie groaned in pain. "I don't know! This pain is different." The beeping of the heart monitor began speeding up and she brought a hand to her chest. "It feels like something's cutting me from the inside," she moaned, her breathing becoming labored.

"Is there anything I can--"

Evie cried out, thrashing weakly on the bed.

"Carson!" John called over his radio. "I need you in Evie's room, stat!"

When he saw that she was crying, he offered her his hand to hold; but she pushed it away, crying, "Rodney! Where's Rodney?"

"I-I'll get him," John said, wondering why Carson wasn't here yet.

"Rodney?" he spoke into his radio. "Rodney, where the hell are you?"

"I'm coming!" Rodney answered a few seconds later. "You think I didn't hear you calling Carson?"

As if on cue, Carson dashed through the doors. "Move, please," he said as he brusquely stepped past John. "Evie, love, where does it hurt?" he asked, administering another injection of morphine.

"My chest," she wailed, touching her body above her heart. She suddenly cried out again. "And my side! Carson, it's like a knife," she sobbed. "Make it stop!"

"I'm doing all I can, Evie," he said, gently stroking her hair. "Give the medicine time to work."

Another intense stab of pain hit Evie and she screamed, the sound chilling John to the bone. "Where's Rodney?" she shrieked.

"I'm here!" he said, rushing into the room. Carson stepped aside to make room for Rodney.

"Rodney…" she sobbed.

"I'm here, Evie," he said, taking her hand and kissing it.

She screamed in pain again and John couldn't stop a tear from falling. He suddenly realized that he had a headache. Gritting his teeth, he cursed the bad timing and tried to ignore it.

"Rodney, don't leave me," Evie begged, clutching his hand as tightly as she was able.

"I'm not going anywhere, honey," he said, struggling to keep his voice even as he felt the tears running down his face.

"Please, Rodney…" she said, her voice a whimper, then she cried out again.

The pain in John's head suddenly ratcheted up to almost unbearable. He groaned and clutched his head with his hands. Then suddenly everything faded to black, and he could feel himself falling.

XXXXXX

"And so then I said to her, 'No, Mary, I don't think that makes you look fat.' But she just rolled her eyes at me and went back into the bathroom to change! Women… I bet _you_ never have to go through this…"

"The hell are you talking about?" John mumbled, cracking his eyes open.

"He's awake!" Rodney called loudly and John winced. "Did it work?" Rodney asked excitedly.

"Did what work?" John answered, his head still throbbing.

"We tried to send you--him--back. So did it work?"

"Send who back?" John was so confused.

Rodney sighed exasperatedly. "The other you! What's your name?"

John looked at his friend quizzically and answered, "John…"

"Nono, your full name."

"John Eric Sheppard. McKay, what the hell are yo--"

"Are you currently dating Teyla?"

"What? No! _Rodney_--"

"He's back!" Rodney cried gleefully to Carson, who was making his way over.

"How're you feeling, Colonel?" Carson asked, checking John's vitals.

"My head feels like someone took a jackhammer to it," John answered.

"I'm afraid that's to be expected," Carson said. "I'll give you something for it."

Noting both Carson _and_ Rodney's cheery attitudes, he spoke up. "Rodney, when you said I was back, did you mean…?"

"We used the device to send him back and bring you home," Rodney answered happily.

"This is _my_ reality? Where I belong?"

"It is."

"Well, what the hell took you so long?" John demanded, annoyed. "I was stuck there for almost five weeks!"

"Calm down," Rodney said. "First off, it took you -- the other you -- two days to wake up. Then we didn't realize anything was wrong until you tried to kiss Teyla. Ronon pulled you off her and then you freaked out 'cause you didn't know who Ronon was and he scared you. It took us a half day to come to the conclusion that you--he, rather--was from an alternate reality."

"So why didn't you immediately send him back?" John pressed.

"The device was out of power."

"And…?"

"And it took us a while to figure out how to recharge it and make it work again," Rodney answered. "Elizabeth had to come with us to the planet and do a lot of translating. That's what took so long. It turns out, only your _consciousnesses_ were switched. Your physical bodies stayed in their proper realities."

"Yeah, I know."

"So what was it like?"

"What do you mean?"

"His reality!" Rodney sounded excited. "As soon as he realized that this wasn't where he belonged, he kind of clammed up. We couldn't get any details out of him."

"Oh."

"So what was it like?" he repeated.

"Very…different," John answered, choosing that word rather than horrible, depressing, messed up, awful, wrong…

"What was _I_ like?"

"You were nicer."

Rodney sighed. "That's what they always say. What else?"

"You know, Rodney, I really don't wanna talk about it." Changing the subject, he asked, "So when can I get out of these pajama-scrubs things? And when can I expect visitors?"

"You can get out of the scrubs when I clear you to leave," Carson answered, still checking John over. "And as for visitors…" He glanced over his shoulder. "Your first one's here now. I called Evie when Rodney called me."

At the mention of her name, John felt his heart start beating faster. He leaned forward and looked around Carson.

He saw her across the room, her body filled out the way it was supposed to be, color in her face, and a sparkle in her eyes. John thought she'd never looked more beautiful. He quickly sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, yanking off the wires connected to his chest.

"Just where do you think you're going?" Carson asked, standing in John's way.

John pushed Carson aside. He walked quickly across the room, not caring that Carson was yelling at him. When he reached her, he stopped and just stared a moment. Then he slowly reached a hand out to touch her face, as if to make sure she was real.

When she smiled and said softly, "Hey, baby," he pulled her into a tight hug, holding her like she might vanish if he ever let go.

"I missed you, too," she chuckled softly.

It was a good thing no infirmary staff were around, because he didn't care if anyone saw them; he was never, ever, ever going to let her go. "I love you so much," he whispered, not trusting his voice.

When she kissed his neck and murmured, "I love you, too," a tear slid down his cheek.

He was home.


End file.
